10 days for a dad

10 days is about my limit.

My wife works for a non-profit called VisionTrust. Right now Harmony is in the Dominican Republic visiting and caring for marginalized children. I am so proud of her. Harmony is the most amazing lady on the planet! There’s always room for one more kid in her heart.

So I am at home without her, caring for our non-marginalized children.

Day 8 and a ridiculous moment unfolds.

Last year I got my childhood wish and bought my first electric car. A kid’s police truck complete with lights and radio and when you put the pedal to the metal it speeds off at a blazing 1 mile per hour. It was for our four year old(and for me).

It is an amazing vehicle with one major flaw. the wheels are smooth plastic. As soon as it hits some grass that is longer than a caterpillar it just sits there, wheels spinning. Our frustrated little man has to get out and push it over and over.

So I found some courage today and cut up an old bike tire which I attached to the outside of the drive wheel. What a transformation. Now the ultimate kids cop car can catch the bad guys anywhere in the yard.

The temp was bearable at 40 F/4 C. So it was time for the littles and I to go out of the house and find our sanity again. The tiny policeman climbs in and races off around the corner with a huge smile while baby goes in the dolphin swing(parental supervision very necessary).

After just ONE push of the swing screaming erupts from behind the bushes.

The go anywhere truck found some mud and the mini cop climbed out and fell right on his behind. Yuck! Mud everywhere, pants and hands covered and the most terrible part, his new light up, shiny spaceman shoes(thanks Grandma) were now a terrible brown color. Such a heartbreaking sight. Screaming escalates. It is now the end of the world!

I try unsuccessfully to clean and console the muddy screaming boy while making sure baby doesn’t climb out of the swing and plummet to the ground. How many arms do you have? I have two. And that is nowhere near enough. The baby picks up on the distress and is now crying and trying to climb out of the swing.

I can’t take them inside yet because of all the mud. I can’t take the baby out of the swing because the ground is wet and cold and I don’t have enough arms to hold him and wipe off mud. What to do?

New plan. Recruit more arms. Shouts to our 13 year old are met with deafening silence. His video game headset, now just an extension of his skull, blocks out all cries for help(I even threw a stick at his open window). And there is no chance our 16 year old is awake yet, still hungover from late night room re-arranging and netflix, hulu, snapchat, instagram, youtube…

Looks like I’m on my own.

Deep Breath. Think quick. The savior? TEETHING CRACKERS! In an instant baby is content, swinging and chomping.

1000 paper towels in hand and I am ready to clean up the swamp monster as I keep a keen eye on the escape artist.

15 minutes later, victory! The shoes are back to their original shining glory. The boy is no longer screaming and the baby did not die. I am also happy to report that the clothing and skin are completely washable.

Just a day in the life of a father of four. Never dull. Sometimes peaceful. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Was it worth all that trouble? Absolutely. When you are taking care of little ones it always makes a difference to leave the house. Just make yourself do it. Your perspective changes and you regain some sanity that you may have lost along the way even if you experience similar pandemonium.

So get out there and enjoy those kids.

 

In my next post I will attempt to tackle some difficult questions:

*Why must babies stick their hands in their poo while I change their diaper/nappy?

*How many avocados can an 11 month old giant baby eat?

*Why do I miss my wife so much?

*How many hours till nap time?

*Where the heck do you go when it’s freezing outside?

 

— Yes this post is probably a cry for help —