There must be some kinda way outa here!

One of the chapters of my book is called “Don’t stay at home”.

This has been the single most helpful concept for me as a stay at home dad.

Although our culture has adopted the phrase, stay at home mom or dad, I have discovered that this is actually a clever trick that can keep us isolated.

So… DON’T STAY AT HOME!!

“But it’s snowing outside”, I hear you cry. I am here to tell you it is still better to get out of the house and do something, anything!

Even if you just jump in the car and go for a drive. Or maybe all you can manage is to jump in the car. There you did it. You got out of the house. Baby steps.

There is something powerful about a change of scenery that beats more tv or video games every time.

This week the kids were really getting on my nerves. Don’t judge me. I’m a human.

Let me explain.

We were all massively sleep deprived zombies. After a 16 hour flight home from Hong Kong with a layover in Dallas, the jet lag had settled into the house like a desperate squatter. White knuckled, this lag was like no other.

{ Personification –  the practice of attaching human traits and characteristics with inanimate objects, phenomena and animals. }

Jet lag is hard for adults. There’s no denying it. And the struggle is often harder for kids. But for babies it’s a whole different world of pain. They just don’t understand. I think that’s why airlines let kids fly free under 2. They realized that noone would ever pay money for that kind of sick torture.

So for five days the night hours went like this:

-PM-

9:00 – baby in bed

11:00 – kids in bed

11:01 – I collapse on the floor(any floor)

-AM-

1:00 – Baby wakes up ready for the day

1:01 – I cringe, stumble out of bed running into a wall and somehow find myself in the babies room for some rocking-chair time

2:00 – baby back to sleep

2:30 – I take a nap

3:00 – kid 1 wakes up walking the halls like a mummy searching for his sarcophagus, falling back asleep after a drink and a bathroom break.

3:30 – kid 2 wakes up and follows the lead of kid 1

4:00 – baby wakes up screaming, “eat, eat, EAT!!”

4:00-4:30 – baby scoffs down one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream, one pickle, one slice of swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie etc.

4:30 – baby back to sleep.

4:31 – I collapse

4:32-9:00 very blurry memories here. I’m not really sure what followed until my alarm went off at 9am saying, “wake the baby or he won’t nap!!!!”

Yep. Just like that for 5 straight days.

The sordid process may have been exacerbated by the fact that mom went into China for 8 more days instead of joining us for the trip home.

Sooo, back to me being sleep deprived and annoyed with the kids.

The big kids were bored but nothing would entertain. Baby was hungry but didn’t want to eat anything I gave him and I was falling asleep standing up.

The only answer to this conundrum was to muster all the strength I had and load everyone into the car. Snow? Can’t stop me this time. I’m on a mission. A mission to find my sanity!

Once we were in the car I realized we had no destination. Honestly I didn’t think we’d make it this far. So we just drove around until finally we ended up at the grocery store.

Grocery Store? Big mistake? No way José!

I had devised a cunning plan. Tell the kids they can choose one thing under $5 and it’s theirs if they are helpful.

It was a sight to behold. Our 13 year old incredi-girl ran up and down aisles fetching as fast as I could bark the orders. Mr 11 year old entrepreneur spent the hour searching for the perfect treasure under $5. He finally found it. Kinder egg! Nothing on earth like one of those beauties.

And bub? Well he was amused just watching the older ones scamper around the store.

By the time we got back home, baby was asleep for his nap, our entrepreneur was satisfied with his treat+toy and incredi-teen was quite pleased with how helpful she had been and the affirmation shower from dad.

What a shift from 2 hours ago. I’m telling you it just works. Maybe not every time, but you’ve gotta give it a try. I even had a new sense of hope, that the sky was no longer falling.

So don’t succumb to the house trap of “stay at home”. Take the plunge, you’ll be glad you did.

Now I must crash land on my pillow so I can live to fight another day.

Oh btw, mom is home now! yaaaahooooo!

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Here’s to all the single moms and dads out there. I salute you.